
Its quite boring to stay at home and i'm even more stress when facing her....i do not dare to show her...show her my failure again.....i blurted out my results to her the day before when we were quarreling....i felt turly bad and guilty after that....she told me the next day that she could not sleep that night cause she's thinking of my results.....and i felt even worst after listening to her.....i wish that i need not face her anymore with those kinda failure and those kinda dissapointment from her.....sometimes i feel like telling her that she don't even understand me,why would she care?....but...i could not do this..and maybe..its because i love her too much and also hated her a little....i ....could no longer take this..this large burden thats causing me difficulty..difficulty to breathe...difficulty to walk...even difficulty to cry.....i know clearly from the beginning of my life that i needed family and friends to live on but i truly do not know how to love them the way i should....i felt so envious of my friends....they often got to tell their mother that their mood is not right and their problems...but....i didn't have a chance to....or..is it that i do not want to.....maybe its better to keep mum about my problems.....staying at home is truly not a right choice for me...i wanted to run away....run away from everything i could....so,i could at least take a deeper breathe and slowly think through..think through what do i exactly want......i'm so tired of laughing....but maybe laughing can make my life more smoother an probably happier.....^_^.....
***i'll continue and try not to give up....just thinking of the two of u is enough to let me go on but i will look back and the only memory of u two will not be erase foreva.....i promise....***
Labels: looking back